Under Surveillance

Who's Got the Booze?

2007-06-14T14:42:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I’ve been gone forever. My computer broke. It sucked. Here’s the Cliff Notes version of my past month:

I had a baby. For blog purposes, we’ll refer to her as Daisy. Everything went okay, and she is, naturally, perfect.

Moo. Just call me Bessie.

Somehow, I got old. My little bitty baby cousins are now a high school senior and in their second year of college, respectively. Yikes!

I figured out how I’m going to get rich. Or, at least, how I could get rich if I knew how to write software. Someone needs to create a database of celebrities who do voice-overs in commercials, and the products they shill.

Speaking of celebrities, I have a new celebrity crush. Zach Braff is absolutely adorable! I’m typically up for feedings late enough to catch the late night “Scrubs” reruns, so I’ve only just now caught on to this show. It’s fantastic; someone should have clued me in sooner.

There’s a serial arsonist running around Indianapolis. Fortunately, they’re just burning abandoned buildings so far. Let’s hope it stays that way. 13 fires in 17 nights is pretty messed up.

I’m so happy to be back!

In N Out

2007-07-16T15:02:00.000-04:00

courtesy of Modern Drunkard Magazine

Although I think I have to disagree about rye whiskey. It is, and always shall be, my drink of choice.

Put Enough Little Things Together And You Have A Post

2007-07-18T16:04:00.000-04:00

Just Like Tijuana:

I have been given the

badge by Queen of Dysfunction. Thank you so much! I'd like to pass it on to Cool Beans Mama, Hedy DeVine, Mel, and Amorous Rocker.

(And if you're confused about the Tijuana reference, well, too bad.)

Nursing is Good For the Body:

I'm pretty happy with the fact that I'm built like a woman, rather than like a teen boy. (Read: I have curves.) Things are being taken a bit to the extreme at this point, however. I'm normally a size 8, roundabouts. I recently bought a swimsuit and had to get a size 16 top to cover my assets.

Also, I know people are militant about parenting styles and techniques, but if I have one more person try to tell me the "best way" to breastfeed, I'm going to snap. I'll pick what's best for me and my baby, thank you. That goes for Jay, too. When he has boobs and the ability to lactate, then I'll listen to his opinion.

Overheard:

At Wal-Mart, near the inflatable swimming pools, 3 girls, about 19-ish, are talking. One says, "What are we filling it with again?" The other two answer in unison, "Jello!" I about died, but it was even worse when we ran into them again in the baking aisle, where they were buying...yep, you guessed it.

Oddity:

I finally got the meme where you have to list 7 odd things about yourself. Let's see...

I love dipping french fries into chocolate ice cream. Delicious.
My entire life, I've been made fun of for the way I say "color." I can't hear any difference between color and collar. *shrug*
When I was little, my cousin convinced me that when you became an adult, you switched genders. I was so depressed that I was going to be a man, but I did look forward to the ability to go shirtless.
There are several pop culture references that I only get because they've been spoofed on "The Simpsons." I can quote most episodes of that show.
I have always, always wanted a nickname. Never had one. I think it's because my name is already really short.
I'm 1/16th Blackfoot Indian. And all I get is a really high forehead; I'm still stuck with the easily burnt, freckled skin of my Irish ancestors.
I've never had a cavity. I should probably go knock on wood now.

I'm gonna' be a jerk and not tag anybody else. I never know who's okay with being tagged or not.

That's My Girl

2007-08-22T13:02:00.004-04:00

I don't know what could make her parentage more obvious:
Yeah, she got her foot stuck in a toy castle. And yes, I took time to take pictures of it.

GO COLTS!!

2007-09-06T14:28:00.000-04:00

Halloween Happenings

2007-11-05T14:59:00.000-05:00

True Obsession

I love a good costume as much as anyone, and body modification more than most, but even I think some of these people took it too far. I can't help but wonder, though, why Enigma isn't on that list.

Our Halloween was fantastic We attended a bunch of Halloween festivities, including Zoo Boo: a fun Halloween punk rock show:
and of course trick-or-treating:
I even got creative and made some fun Halloween cupcakes:
Nothing but the best homemade brains for mommy's little monsters.

The Punk Rock Night rip off show was so much fun. They get different bands to do cover sets of favorite bands. This year we had Rancid, Black Flag, Bad Religion & Jay's band as the Subhumans:

They played really well and we had a blast. What more can you ask for?

Hope you all had a hauntingly delightful Halloween as well!

I Love Goodwill

2008-01-05T13:05:00.000-05:00

I just found the cutest pair of Steve Madden shoes for $4. It must be an omen that 2008's going to be all right.

Why does the universe conspire against me so?

2007-11-14T21:48:00.000-05:00

I have one of those gigantic, painful, "attack of the killer" zits on the inside of my nose! Has this ever happened to anybody else? Geez-o-pete!

I Hate Lee Greenwood

2007-11-06T15:08:00.000-05:00

Dedicated to an Idea

I just got some really good news on the military front. My cousin, who's stuck on a boat until sometime in February, just won "Marine of the Quarter." And, while I'll be the first to admit that I have no idea what that means, I understand that it's kind of a big deal. I couldn't be more proud of him. He's going to be in port in about 3 weeks or so, so I was hoping to get a care package out to him this week in order to catch him. Any of you who've been in the military or know someone who has have any suggestions about what to put in it?

Betty and the Vets

2007-10-09T08:09:00.000-04:00

So I've decided to completely change my career. I've been putting in applications all over town to be a vet tech, and I'm hoping that in the next year I will be back in school to become a vet. I've already gotten two callbacks in the last week, so things are looking good. Won't be long till I'm DR. Braindead.

MWF seeking

2007-10-04T22:48:00.000-04:00

I signed Bean up for tumbling classes. When people ask me why, I give them all kinds of reasons that sound real good, like she needed more interaction with kids her own age, or she needs some type of structured fun, or what have you, but the plain and simple truth is that it was good old-fashioned bribery to get her to use the potty. Which is not to say that those other reasons aren't bonuses.

Really, it is nice watching her make new friends, though. I tell you what, though. Play dates are definitely called "dates" for a reason. I feel like I'm on the singles market again. Trying to find parents that you can deal with to hang out with while your kids are playing is tough. There's one little girl who's a total princess, and her mom's nose is so far up in the air that it's amazing she doesn't drown when it's raining. There's another kid who cries through every class while his parents do nothing at all to console him. There are two little boys who are already best friends and won't have anything to do with Bean. Fortunately, there is one little girl that Bean gets along with fabulously whose mom seems pretty cool.

The next step, asking if they would like to get together sometime, is still like the dating scene, too. I don't want to come on too strong, or I might seem overbearing. But I don't want to seem too blase about it either, or they might think I'm not interested.

Man, it feels like I'm 17 again.

Yawn

2007-09-10T16:04:00.000-04:00

It's amazing how quickly our minds adapt to our circumstances. Daisy is going through some of the usual infant phases, and I had completely forgotten about them since Bean. For example, she's completely entranced by ceiling fans. She's also becoming quite the flirt. When she sees or hears someone she recognizes, she breaks out a shit-eating grin, then hides her face with whatever's handy.

One of my favorite things about babies though, is the way they stretch. Daisy will arch her back as far as it goes, throw her head back and her arms over her head. It's complete abandon. I love it because it's such an un-self-concsious act. I know everything babies do is un-self-consious, but you don't always get such a visual representation of it. Plus, it looks damn comfy. I'd be tempted to do it myself, but I'd be afraid of poking someone's eye out.

Makeover

2007-09-07T11:48:00.001-04:00

It was time, don't you think?

Let me know, yea or nay, in the comments.

Awareness

2007-09-06T14:23:00.000-04:00

I'm sure all the other parents out there are familiar with their local sex offender registry, and have checked their address. This is just a friendly reminder to check all the addresses where your kids spend time. My MIL watches the girls while Jay and I are at work, and she recently moved. Her new neighborhood is great, and there's even a little boy next door just Bean's age. Unfortunately, we just found out that the little boy's grandfather, who lives with him, is a convicted child molester, who's only been out of jail for 3 years. So this is just a note to other parents to never take anything for granted.

Oh, and for those not familiar with their local sex offender registry, just google "sex offender registry" and the name of your state, and it should pop right up.

Doin' Time

2007-08-30T10:51:00.000-04:00

I love the signs popping up all over the road construction sites: "Max fine speeding $1000; Max reckless driving 8 years." I understand the need to cut down on people driving like idiots, but who really believes that they'll be stuck in jail for 8 years for going 20 mph over the speed limit? It's not like this country has a problem with overcrowded prisons or anything. Yeah, the courts are gonna' let the serial rapist, or the drug dealer, go free so we can lock up a speeder. Uh-huh.

Oh, speaking of jail, why do people feel the need to look me up & let me know when one of my exes has fucked up again? Apparently, my convicted felon ex-boyfriend got caught taking an (obviously) illegaly obtained AK-47 across state lines. Into Washington, DC. He got arrested by homeland security. I don't think anyone will be seeing him for a while. I also don't think I need to make additional explanations as to why he's an ex.

Bravery

2007-08-22T13:02:00.001-04:00

A girl in my city was carjacked recently, and I think she's a real hero. She managed to secretly dial 911 on her cell phone while being held at knifepoint. She made sure to mention her location and car description while the phone was on. She pulled a move straight out of the movies, and dove out of the car onto a median. She also went onto a neighborhood watchdog website and found the carjacker there, helping police come up with a suspect almost right away. The guy has now been caught, thanks in large part to his victim. I'm in such awe.

And in the same vein, a 7 year old girl kept a gun-toting bad guy from stealing money from her mom's employer. Bonus cute kid quotes from the girl in that article.

Excitement!

2007-07-24T11:15:00.001-04:00

I just found out. Jay's band is actually getting to play a show with Cancerslug!
Yeah, you probably don't know who they are, but if you do, you know how awesome they are, and what a big deal this is.

I can't wait!

Final Destination

2007-07-19T15:53:00.001-04:00

I hated that movie, but this news story is too much like it to be dismissed.

Don't tempt fate.

Channeling Art Linkletter

2007-07-05T10:24:00.000-04:00

So yesterday was Bean's birthday. She's a whole wopping 3 years old now. It's crazy. When I look at her I still expect to see my little baby, but she's not anymore. As she likes to remind me several times a day, she's a big girl now. The problem with this is that I sometimes overestimate her capabilities. For example, she knew her birthday was yesterday, she just doesn't understand the concept of the future well enough to know that her birthday party is on Saturday. She went to the store with 2 of her aunts yesterday, and apparently made the lady behind them in line think she was horribly deprived. "It's my birthday and I got no presents, I got no party, I got no cake."

But at other times her logic astounds me. The other day I caught her trying to give Daisy a gummy worm. We've discussed before why she can't give food to a newborn, but I thought I'd go over it with her again. "Remember, we can't give food to Daisy; she doesn't have any teeth." The argument for: "Her can just lick it!" Hey, she may not have pronouns down yet, but at least she wants to share. Be thankful for small favors, huh?

She definitely knows how to turn a phrase. The other day she threw a tantrum over something, I'm not sure what. (Which, by the way, everyone who said 3 is worse than 2 is soooo right) What I do remember though, is her coming up to me after she was done to tell me "I got crying in my eyes." Poor girl.

Touching

2007-07-05T09:17:00.000-04:00

I found this via Joe the Troll.

A soldier's thoughts.

My heart is breaking. I have one cousin in the Middle East now, in the midst of his 3rd tour of duty over there, and another cousin who's headed that way on a MEU the end of this month.

TV

2007-07-03T11:18:00.000-04:00

My TV viewing has changed dramatically since Daisy came along. I'm up at odd hours that I never used to be up, so I'm catching reruns of shows I've never watched before, watching all kinds of phone sex commercials (I'm sorry, "dating service" commercials), and finding all manner of fantastic products that I don't know how I'm living without. One advertisement I saw last night really knocked my socks off, though. Not even an infomercial, just a regular 60 second commercial for mascara. What really blew me away was the fact that they were advertising how quickly and effortlessly it was to apply the mascara, and it showed a woman applying it in her car at a stoplight, then go zooming past the woman in the next car who was trying to apply clumpy "other" mascara. Like the idiot prima donnas need another reason to think it's okay to put on make-up while they're driving! I guess I can just be thankful that they didn't have her talking on her cell phone and eating, too.

I've also been catching reruns of Sex & The City. I don't know why that show was popular enough that people are yelling for a movie version. I think Sarah Jessica Parker's character is a petulant cry-baby. I just like seeing how she does her hair. SJP has fantastic hair. Then again, I bet fans of that show didn't understand why fans of Firefly were in such an uproar, either.

Fly Away Home

2007-06-19T11:02:00.000-04:00

I know I told you about how Jay got me Guitar Hero II for our anniversary, (or, as Bean calls it, Bitar Hewo) but I didn't mention his established history as the world's best gift-giver. He's everything that (stereotypically) women wish men were when it comes to gift giving. He's thoughtful, extravagant, creative, blah, blah, blah. And ladies (or guys), if you're sitting there cussing me right now, stop. Have you ever thought about what it would be like to be the worst gift giver in the family? It sucks, and every gift-giving holiday I stress out hardcore over what to get Jay. It's not that gifts are that important, especially when you're as poor as we are, but I like to show that I put some thought into it.

I think I may have finally acheived the pinnacle of gift-giving success this year for Father's Day. I bought Jay an introductory flying lesson. He opened the certificate, dropped his jaw and said, "You're shitting me!" I've never seen him react like that. I can't wait to see how he likes it when he actually goes. And I'm going to be such a big dork, taking his picture with the plane and all that. Hope he doesn't get embarassed!

How Did You Find Me?

2007-06-15T14:09:00.000-04:00

I know what you're thinking. Gone for a month, and this is the kind of material she comes back with? The answer is... yes, dammit. I'm not good for much but being a food source at the moment, and that's not very exciting.

Recent search results:

"my glasses" "photobucket" "contacts" -"new glasses" site:blogspot.com
Could we be more specific, please?
wedding pictures rex grossman
I'm very sorry, but I am not the leading source for athletes wedding pictures.
wifes personal toilet, loser eat, lick her
I don't even want to know.
do dolphins have beaks or snots
I'm sure if they do have snots, they streak down their face while swimming.
how to get a spidermonkey in indianapolis
I don't recall ever having written about spider monkeys...Hmm
how to make a ouija bored
Read it the phone book.
vampire is trying to spank those kids pictures
I could be wrong, but I think vampires prefer biting.

Until I Write Again

2007-05-10T23:40:00.000-04:00

Finally the doctors are going to do what I've been begging for. I'm scheduled to have labor induced tomorrow at 7:30. It only took 2 false labors and a week and a half of 2 centimeters dilated to get to this point. So next time I'm back I should have 2 little girls to gush about.

Stranger Than Fiction

2007-05-08T18:27:00.000-04:00

It's a beautiful day. Not a cloud in the sky. Perfect weather to run some errands. I'm minding my business in my car, humming along with one of my favorite songs. The windows are rolled down, the better to enjoy some fresh air. All of a sudden, I feel a sharp, stinging pain. It's horrible. I scream. I notice the bee that has just stung me, but I never notice the other car that I run into.

Okay, so some people have interesting nightmares about chainsaw wielding murderers (hopefully with some Bud Light), or killer clowns, or other such stuff. Not me. I have nightmares about car crash causing insects.

I don't feel quite so paranoid though, as this scenario recently happened. Unfortunately, a couple died in the wreck. I'm so glad that charges aren't being pressed against the stung driver. I can only imagine the guilt that he's living with on his own, and it was a horrible accident. Needless to say, I think I'll be keeping my windows up. For a while, at least.