I am a huge klutz. There's no way around it. If there's a way to trip, stumble, drop, etc. I will find it.
It's the reason I've never been any good at sports. In junior high gym class, we were playing tennis. At the end of class, I was headed back inside and decided to jump over the tennis net. My foot caught the top of the net, and I ended up with a sprained wrist and a skinned hip from that one.
It's also the reason I've never even attempted getting a job as a waitress. I remember one of the few times I was able to get into a bar before I was 21, I was with a large group of friends, and I spilled my drink reaching across the table. In the rush to try and catch my drink, I wound up spilling the person next to me's drink. All over my favorite white sundress. Oh, and both the glasses broke. Way to not call any attention to my underage self, huh?
Anyway, the reason I bring this up is because I've been at it again. This past weekend Jay and I went camping and kayaking with a few friends. Saturday night, I went to turn the lantern down and accidentally grabbed the wrong spot and burnt my finger and thumb horribly. They blistered with 5 seconds. Nasty. Then Sunday when we went kayaking, we took a break to swim and relax at about the halfway point of our 8 mile journey. (Which was a blast by the way) Anyway, as I was getting back into my kayak, I slipped and fell. Busted my knee, and let me just say, I'm very happy I'm not a man.
Which of course, is all the reason in the world for my "friends" to bring up other stories about my clumsiness and camping. Their favorite happened about 4 years ago, but apparently never gets old. We were camping on some private property that included an old rock quarry. There was much swimming, much imbibing of alcohol and much revelry. My friend Bear, whose property it was, has been going on and on about how much fun the cliff diving is at the quarry. So in the midst of our late night inebriated skinny dipping, I decide I would like to try the cliff jumping. I work my way up, 6 foot, 10 foot, etc. all the way to the highest jump, which is somewhere between 25-30 feet. I jump down, carefully keeping my feet crossed, waiting until just before I hit to take the deep breath that will have to last me until I can swim back to the top. When I hit the water, according to my friends, a resounding *SMACK* could be heard throughout the entire quarry. They immediately rushed towards where they saw me hit the water, because sometimes *SMACK* equals faint. I swam towards the surface and as I breached, the first words out of my mouth were, "Holy Hell, that hurt!" Apparently I had somehow leaned back during my descent and was unable to correct by the time I hit the water. I ended up hitting at about a 30 degree angle. The next day I discovered a bruise that started at the back of my left knee, went up the back of my thigh, across both ass cheeks, and down my right leg almost to the knee. Which is what makes this one of my friends favorite stories.
Boy, nothing quite like sharing your most embarrasing moments with all the internet!
Labels: way back machine